Many have heard insanity described as "doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results." Others watch Shaun T jumping around like a mad lunatic on his new extreme fitness workout and proclaim loudly from their sofas-while shoveling McDonald's french fries down their throats at an alarming rate- "THAT is insane!" Wikipedia (my favoritist encyclopedia EVER) defines insanity as a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns. Merriam-Webster...the actual dictionary has several definitions of insanity, ranging from the very basic --"something utterly foolish or unreasonable"-- to the very legal--"such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as
prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter
into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one
from criminal or civil responsibility." The funny thing is, in all actually, each and everyone of these proposed definitions of the term Insanity are correct (especially the new exercise craze!!).
So as I woke up this morning, dragging my body out of bed at 7am (I know!! An ungodlly hour of morning!), I looked in the mirror and was mildly horrified at the reflection that stared tiredly back at me. I mean, sheesh!! I am all outta wack. My face is all broke out (excuse the grammar people...this is a blog), my eyes have these horrible dark circles, my weight has been fluctuating around the same eight pounds for the past six months, and I just feel kind of gross all over. So I slapped on some make-up to cover the dark circles, fluffed out my new hair to hide the angry red bumps, pulled on a grey suit (because I have a court date today), drank a cup of tea and ran out of the door. As I pulled onto Southern's campus and drove around by the Mississippi river, it hit me. I am insane! (Those of you who actually know me can stop laughing!) I mean it, no matter which definition of the word you throw at me, they all stick. Repetitious actions that never yield different results?....check. Watching people hopping around on the television trying to get in shape while is scarf down cookies?....check. Abnormal mental or behavior patterns?....check (in that I am constantly whinning about one thing (the mental) but doing nothing to change my actions (the behavior). Utterly foolish or unreasonable?....check. Such lack of understanding....well, okay....maybe not that one. But the rest of them fit!!
Why suddenly have I decided to write this down? Well sometime you need to see yourself in black and white before you can make effective changes. I am a size 14. I don't like that fact. I do Weight Watchers, I run, I exercise, I eat grass...I drink grass, I drink shakes, I run stadiums stairs, I don't eat anything....followed by eating everything. The problem is that I do all of this on an extremely erratic and inconsistent basis. I have not managed to do a single combination of proper nutrition and exercise in about a year and a half (which was the first time in five years that I had come close to banishing the freakin eight pounds). I wake up every morning, yell at myself for not "doing the right thing" as I attempt to make the clothes in my closet not look like garments draped on a sack of potatoes. I am consistently negative towards myself and my efforts. I get discouraged and say "eff it, I am getting a cookie." To do all of this week, after week, after week and expect to see a positive change...that is--by all of the definitions aforementioned--insane.
I am almost done...I promise. I have this friend. She is a true inspiration. This chick is like Super Woman, seriously. She is an educator, an entrepreneur, a personal trainer, apparently a Sweet Thang (lol), and a survivor! I listen as she explains one courageous, life defining excursion after the other. We dream big together, she and I. We talk about all of the things we would like to do and accomplish. The difference between her success and my insanity is that she changes her actions to match her goals. So getting back to my point...I am sitting in my car in the gravel lot of SU, staring out of the window at the Mississippi, and it hits me. YOU....ARE...INSANE! You are completely bonkers if you think you can continue to do what you have been doing with the sporadic exercise, the occasional nutrition, the lack of rest, and the constant whining, and see yourself change!! As of right now, I have exactly 229 days, 29 mins, and 25 seconds until my next big move. That countdown marks the date of my graduation. That is approximately eight months to make a change. Now I understand that true change, life defining, permanent change takes time...and so should everyone out there who may happen to read this. So I will start small with definite goals in mind. As I take these small steps to turn my reflection back into someone I am pleased with, I encourage you to look at your INSANE behaviors and make some adjustments. No one said that being insane was a bad thing...it just requires some application of sanity every once in a while.
TTYL!
